Tuesday, March 1, 2011

How to NOT be a good mother

Despite any argument the writer may make, leaving her children and family behind does not, in fact, make her a good mother.  In fact, it makes her a selfish, narcissistic, overgrown child whose children seem far better off post-divorce.

Now, I know I stand to get railed here, as I have no children yet.  I am, however, Uncle Loki to 4 wonderful little kids (soon to be 5!), as well as having firsthand knowledge of shit marriages.  And Bex and I are actively trying to have kids.  And part of making the decision to have kids is that both of you have to be 100% behind the decision.  And yes, that means sacrifice.  When we have a kid, the hatchling becomes the priority.  My car, beloved though it is, comes after the kids.  Same with the guns and the hunting and the fishing.  I hope to share all of my passions with my kids, but the kids take precedence over the hobbies and lifestyle.

The screaming reality that shows me how selfish the author of the article is?

If one partner doesn't want kids, no amount of begging, cajoling, or negotiating will make the decision to have kids a right one.

No ifs, ands, or buts.  If you're not ready to make the sacrifices for your family, then you don't need to be having a family.  And if your family happens unplanned, well, you learn to sacrifice, like my friend Sarah, or you give the child up for adoption.  Seriously, there are wonderful people out there who would love nothing more than to become parents, but can't.  And you, Ms Narcissistic Blowhard, get to celebrate how you were able to abandon your marriage (by your account, good for 20 years, right up until you walked away on the beginning of your journey of self-absorption), and your two children.

And it should have ripped your cavalier heart out to hear them say "When I called you last night I felt like I really missed you very much."

I'm just shy of 29, and I can tell you with a certainty that no matter how bad it got dealing with my mom, I missed her.  Not "felt like."  Not some rational, composed, English-major sentence.  I flat out missed my mom.  Because I have a good mom.  Mom gave up a lot of lifestyle and fun to raise Baby Brother and me.  But instead of treating us like a burden, she treated us like her kids.  Her legacy.  The lasting thing she leaves to this world.  And in doing so, she taught me how I want to raise my own.  And it's not by walking away from my family to pursue a selfish career opportunity.  Not without a plan in place.  Not with any kind of ambivalence.  Because that's what parents, good parents, do.

And that blowhard is not a good parent.



  1. It really amazes me the kind of people that become parents. I joined a "birth board" for other pregnant women due in August. It has been one hell of an eye opener. We are all between 13-18 weeks along right now, so hormones are raging and I'm sure a lot of the stuff on there is embellished and whatever else...but it still amazes me. I'm fighting so damn hard to keep this pregnancy and to brew a healthy baby and it just pisses me off when these irresponsible people who really don't care one way or another about their baby end up having one.

    It IS about sacrifice, even before you have the little guy, and when people don't realize that it really is ripping off that baby, and that just upsets me.

  2. Good points Sarah.

    People should have to get a license to have kids.

    It's kind of amazing to me that anyone would try to get fame (or notoriety) for being a dumbass. I feel for her poor children. They deserve better than this from their mother. What a bitch...