Saturday, October 9, 2010

Alan C. Baird...

is a flaming spineless chickenshit motherfucker.  Or he would be, if he had the equipment to fuck.

Read, if you can stomach



Okay, yeah, I know, it's, and I should know better.  But damn it all to hell, how many times do we split the cake*?  And now, they're not even trying to hide it.  They want us all dead.  Fine by me, Alan.  You come pick em up yourself.

Molon Labe, you worthless piece of shit.


H/T to Ry Jones

* "splitting the cake" references this most awesome quote.

Let's say I have this cake. It is a very nice cake, with "GUN RIGHTS" written across the top in lovely floral icing. Along you come and say, "Give me that cake."

I say, "No, it's my cake."

You say, "Let's compromise. Give me half." I respond by asking what I get out of this compromise, and you reply that I get to keep half of my cake.

Okay, we compromise. Let us call this compromise The National Firearms Act of 1934.

There I am with my half of the cake, and you walk back up and say, "Give me that cake."

I say, "No, it's my cake."

You say, "Let's compromise." What do I get out of this compromise? Why, I get to keep half of what's left of the cake I already own.

So, we have your compromise -- let us call this one the Gun Control Act of 1968 -- and I'm left holding what is now just a quarter of my cake.

And I'm sitting in the corner with my quarter piece of cake, and here you come again. You want my cake. Again.

This time you take several bites -- we'll call this compromise the Clinton Executive Orders -- and I'm left with about a tenth of what has always been MY DAMN CAKE and you've got nine-tenths of it.

Then we compromised with the Lautenberg Act (nibble, nibble), the HUD/Smith and Wesson agreement (nibble, nibble), the Brady Law (NOM NOM NOM), the School Safety and Law Enforcement Improvement Act (sweet tap-dancing Freyja, my finger!)

I'm left holding crumbs of what was once a large and satisfying cake, and you're standing there with most of MY CAKE, making anime eyes and whining about being "reasonable", and wondering "why we won't compromise".



  1. What an asshole. He writes this crap and then closes the comments. Maybe he and his foreign wife should move to her country where they don't have to worry about things like rights.

  2. Heard about this worthless oxygen waster over at Dude needs to grow a pair of balls, stop whining, and grow up.

    Personally, I would like to see him "call out" the old guy. I'd love to see the look on the old man's face when he realized the morons are serious, and I'd really love to see the look on the morons' faces when they realize (too late) that just because the dude was older didn't mean he was slower.

  3. And again, reasoned discourse breaks out.

  4. Alan, (assuming you're the Alan who authored the original piece being cited):

    It's quite rich that you mock the "reasoned discourse" of Raptor's comment, seeing as he simply described the probable end result of a situation that YOU YOURSELF described as your future course of action.

    It is not the commenters here who are lacking in reason. you need to stop once in a while and consider the crap that comes out of your mouth (or your keyboard, as the case may be).

  5. Stephen, this Alan is a different Alan. We like this Alan. He's good people.

  6. ...or perhaps you were referring to the invective in the post itself. If so, I would only have to say that calling someone a motherf***er is quite a small offense compared to the open bigotry you expressed in public, and now you're whining because the (large) group of people YOU ATTACKED with open hatred and, yes, DEATH THREATS, aren't simply going to look the other way. Wishing the guy dead because he possessed a gun? Really?

    Kevin Baker sent you an email. Read it. It's far more civil than you deserve, but perhaps something you could actually pay some attention to.

    You, at the least, should be embarrassed and ashamed, rather than moaning about all the mean old gun crazies out to get you. Your article was about as funny as a lynching, which is to say "not at all funny".

  7. lokidude: Heh. Oh well. Could someone forward my comment(s) to Alan the Asshole? ;-)

  8. Alan's original post is pulled, but it is mirrored in this post on another blog:,11230.0.html